Quotes

There's Plot Convenience, there's Deus Ex Machina, and then there's just pulling stuff right out of your ass!

[on Roger Ebert] You are not stupid for seeking people you identify with. You are not an idiot for finding friends and feeling like you have somewhere you belong. Your particular brand of happiness might be pretty fucked-up, but you're not fucked-up for pursuing that happiness. As long as you're not hurting anyone, wave that freak flag high. Final Fantasy VIII may suck, and you may suck for liking it, but I'm the captain of this suck-filled leaking failboat, and I'm not going to have some jerkoff movie critic who's never cracked a Player's Handbook in his life call my homies stupid!

You believed the hype. You paid ten bucks to see a movie or fifty to play that game. Now you want revenge, because therapy is for pussies. Welcome to the experiment, where we cure the sickness with snark. Let the healing begin.

[on XCOM remake] Betrayal! Betrayal! Betrayed me! This game sucks!

People get so excited about movies like Sharknado (2013). I'm fucking frantic. I'm fucking manic about this because it pisses me off every time I hear about Sharknado (2013). It pisses me off every time I hear about it.

[on Sharknado (2013)] I know Doug Walker and Brad Jones did a review on this. I don't care. I gotta call them out on this too. I've called Doug Walker out on this shit before. I called him out on Last Action Hero (1993). He doesn't care.

[on Doug Walker] I don't hate the guy. It's not like we're at war. It's not like there's drama. It's reviews. Who gives a shit?