- I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
- I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gives them vodka and have a party.
- [referring to the high rate of executions in his home state] We have the death penalty, and we USE IT! That's right... if you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. That's our policy.
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