Quotes

[as a teenager getting into the job market] I worked in the malls at Christmas, but I wasn't allowed to be an elf because I was too tall. Santa was out of the question because I was too thin, so I was always stuck in the reindeer costume. But I actually loved it because the reindeer wasn't allowed to talk, it just had to be cute.

There's no logical explanation for it, but people love to beat up chickens. I have one word of advice for aspiring costumed entertainers: Don't dress up as poultry.

I thought writing was about showing off your vocabulary. The stories I wrote in Grade 8 had more syllables in each word than the entire paragraph. 'Cat's Cradle' was responsible for me becoming a writer. Iy was also responsible for me losing my A in Grade 10 English because my teacher declared all my post-Vonnegut writing 'too creative'.

[on what encouraged him to read] When I was in high school, I had a crush that ruled my world. I scheduled my life so I'd have a chance at bumping into the girl of my dreams. I took advanced-credit summer school courses in subjects I barely understood because she was a grade ahead of me. And when I saw her reading a thin paperback with a shiny red cover, I had to ask her what it was. She told me about 'Ice-Nine' and the end of the world, before finishing with, 'It's funny. You'll like it'. Then she walked off to meet her Neanderthal date du jour. I only got the book out of the library so I could it discuss it with her. I devoured it in one night. The next day I went to the school library and took out every Kurt Vonnegut book they had.