Quotes

'The glossies just aren't for me. Now I'll just invest Viz's quid and live off the interest.' (Referring to his wedding photos he sold to Viz magazine for £1.)

You hear these stories, like people will say 'so-and-so doesn't like eye contact' - I have to walk up and look at them on purpose! Where did these idiots sever their links with sanity?

You get people who come to London, sever links with where they come from and then when they need people, there's nobody there. To feel like you can't go back home would be a horribly sad place to be, as is mistaking fame for genuine love and affection.

On being recognised: "This is a good job that gives us a good life, you can't expect to turn that off when it suits you."

I got voted sexiest comic, but it was written up as 'isn't it weird how really ugly blokes can be strangely alluring?' Right - so I'm top of the poll of really ugly blokes that you want to sleep with but more out of curiousity than attraction.

I struggle as a writer and I'm convinced that if I was at school now I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting."