Quotes

My mother told me something I've never forgotten: 'Don't take life too seriously, son, you don't come out of it alive anyway.

His traditional TV sign-off: "Good night, and may God bless."

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

When Harry Cohn, the notorious - and much despised - head of Columbia Pictures died, seeing the crowd at his funeral prompted this famous Skelton riposte: "It just goes to show you, Harry was right -- If you give the public what they want, they'll always show up."

As a longtime painter, I carry around snapshots of my favorite paintings the way other old geezers my age carry around pictures of their grandkids. Grandchildren are wonderful, but a good painting can help support you in your old age.

I think most of today's comedians are victims of laughter...they get nervous and resort to an insult or a four-letter word for a quick, cheap laugh. That goes on night after night until the whole act is cheapened. But that doesn't last. Usually, a couple of years later they are remembered only as the old what's-his-name who used all the dirty words.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

I always believed God puts each one of us here for a purpose and mine is to try to make people happy.

If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

[making a charity appeal, for the March of Dimes] Don't "give 'til it hurts" - give 'til it feels good.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always