Quotes

If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism. If you steal from many, it's research.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

Be nice to people on you way up because you'll meet them on you way down.

Two signs he posted for guests at the Hotel Rand: "No opium smoking in the elevators" and "Carry out your own dead."

He'd steal a hot stove and come back for the smoke.

You sparkle with larceny.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known involved one actor, unassisted.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

I've had several years in Hollywood and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

What I like about Hollywood is that you can get along knowing only two words of English: swell and lousy.

[on Hollywood] A sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

[on Hollywood] A trip through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat.

Working for Warner Brothers is like fucking a porcupine: It's a hundred pricks against one.

[on aging] When a woman tells you her age, it's all right to look surprised, but don't scowl.