- I'm a Catholic, was an altar boy, have never been a womaniser, taken drugs or been with anyone. I've got my feet on the ground.
- A fella cooking? It's not natural. You won't see me with an apron on in the kitchen. Or pushing a trolley around Asda.
- If you want a good laugh, come and see your Uncle Bernard.
- We used to sleep five to a bed, and three of them used to wet the bed. I learned to swim before I could walk... The soles of me shoes were that thin that in 1936 I could put me foot on a penny and tell you if it were heads or tails.
- He's a poof, of course, but he's got great taste. (On Stephen Fry, after he stated his admiration for Manning's comedic technique)
- Jackanory stuff is for wimps. Grown men that work on building sites don't want to hear 'ecky thump' and 'ooh dammit'.
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