Quotes

Most of the time I played mothers. That's acting!

Well, I never was one of those raving beauties, as you can easily see. But, I've got a good solid foundation, and maybe that's the reason I'm actin' in the movies. Goodness knows it isn't because I'm a glamour girl!

The fountain of youth? Sure, there's one. It's all in your mind.

Paint and powder and fine clothes and a snaky hairdo are only half an answer to this business of staying young after 45. It's what goes on inside your skull that counts.

If you want to hit the show business jackpot, learn to make them laugh instead of trying to make them cry.

[1951] Everybody's trying to be a Bette Davis or an Ann Blyth. There are plenty of funny men on stage and screen, but how many women? You can count them almost on the fingers of one hand - Betty Hutton, Marie Wilson, Joan Davis, Eve Arden, Judy Holliday, Lucille Ball. Who else is there?

Why, this twang has always caused quizzical craning of necks in my direction whenever I really let it out. I'm getting pretty used to people telling me they never heard another voice quite like mine. I don't mind a bit because I know without this strange rasp I might never have met my late husband.

It was because of my voice that I felt I could get Dr. Krebs, a lecturer with our traveling Chautauqua, to look in my direction if I really wanted him to. And I did want him to. I thought he was awfully nice. So one night upon leaving the show, I shouted at the doctor that I thought he was the smartest man I had ever heard talk. He turned all right. The raucous sound of my voice scared even me. I turned, too, to disappear as quickly as I could, and I fell flat on my face in a large, soupy mud puddle. The doctor and I were married shortly after.

I got to feeling that my name was really Marjorie Dead End or somethin'. Every role I was offered was a slight variation of that poor mother [in Dead End (1937)]. That's why I accepted Lucy in The Women (1939). That's why I'm doing comedy now. And I'd like to keep on doing it. That is, if people seeing me on the screen really like it.

[on doing comedy] It comes kind of easy, from remembering some of the honest and quaint characters back on the farm. And I must say, a sight more natural. I just unconsciously sort of blow into things with a bluster. I always have. Why, I'm tellin' you, if they dressed me up to play in society I bet I'd keep bumping into all the butlers and forever be stumbling up and down staircases. I don't have to do an awful lot of acting to appear kind of bungly. I feel mighty sure that the contract I signed with Metro will keep me doing the kind of things I like to do.

I don't like to fool around with clothes and I haven't had to go to the make-up department in years.

[on her waist-length hair] I keep it long in memory of my husband - he liked women to be women.

People stopped me on the street. When I got off the train they called, "Ma Kettle." In Florence, Italy, I went to a Ma Kettle movie and 30 people stood around my seat and grinned. I never dreamed I was known in Europe. It was kinda nice.

[on Universal-International] Couple of years ago they were ready to close the gates, when they came to me with this Kettle series. I didn't want to do it. I told my agent the script was terrible. But the studio put up a plea.

[on The Kettles in the Ozarks (1956), co-starring Arthur Hunnicutt] If this goes over Arthur and I will do some more. I like the series. We have the same crew, same director, you can relax. Sometimes the stories are corny but I'd stand on my head to make people laugh. That's all I have to live for. I don't want to retire.

[on doing her own cooking, housework, and laundry] I don't do it 'cause I'm cheap, either, but only because I just don't think I could stand to have someone "do" for me. I've been taking care of myself so long, and I've got my own ways so set, I think it's best to live alone. And, I admit, I like it.

[on Percy Kilbride] I love that little fellow: He's such a fine performer. I think he got fed up with the series after the last one [Ma and Pa Kettle at Waikiki (1955)]. Why, they put poor little Percy on a straw mat and dragged him all over the back lot. Then they had his double slide down a long slide into a swimming pool. Percy had to stand in the water up to his neck and he was terrified. He'd never been in a pool before. They should realize at our age you can't do all this physical stuff. You just don't have the energy that younger people do. We're too old to be running around. Percy's two years older than I am.

[1954] Well, I'm sorry about leaving a lot of good friends at Metro. But I wasn't too happy about the last two pictures I did there. One was The Long, Long Trailer (1954), and I had only two tiny scenes in the picture. One of them was cut out. Then I did Rose Marie (1954). They decided that something was needed to relieve the plot so Bert Lahr and I did a musical number. Oh, I mean it was a lot of work. Took us six weeks in all. And then they threw the number out of the picture because it interfered with the plot!

I always seem to get involved in series. First it was with Wally Beery. Then with Percy Kilbride in the Kettle series.

[on Percy Kilbride] Percy was a fine gentleman of the old school. We got along very well and I was very fond of him.

[1969] Now I wish I'd had some children. They would be good company for me and give a little something more to do around the house. As you know, I had plenty of kids as Ma Kettle.

When they sent me the script for the first "Ma and Pa Kettle" movie I turned it down. But I was under contract to MGM at the time and they told me I had to go to Universal and do it. Good thing, too, as it turned out. They made that first picture for $250,000. The first three of that series earned $8 million. Lord knows how much money all eight of the Kettle movies made.