Quotes

If you permed a fox I think it'd look a bit like Mick Hucknall. I actually think it'd be kinder to perm them than hunt them. And they'd be too embarrassed to go out and bother the sheep.

My idea of hell is being stuck in a shower with Jackie Stallone.

I don't enjoy the fame bit. I'm pleased when people say they like what I do but I can't go to pubs. People are much more familiar when they're drunk. They'll say: 'Come over here and meet all my mates and speak to my sister on my phone.' If you refuse and they're pissed they'll say: 'Oh, he's too big for his boots.' So you don't go to pubs. The perk is earning a good living.

I know loads of people who do it and I don't understand it. It's a medium for comedians to get rid of shoddy, half-baked ideas that wouldn't make it into a comedy set. It seems like it's for sad, needy people who should have a word with themselves. There's something very macho about that - about how many followers you have. Jesus had followers but he had something important to say, not: 'Had a bath, watched Sex And The City.' It's not healthy. All these people who are receiving your messages - sitting at bus stops, or at home with the family - they're not engaged with the world, they're checking their f***ing phone and you're just adding to that white noise of bulls***. There's someone on Twitter who pretends to be me but as long as he doesn't say anything damaging, I don't care. Let him get on with it. (On Twitter)

I don't know any successful comedians who haven't worked their nuts off.

Nobody over 65 should be allowed to vote, because it's not their future.

[asked what he wanted his obituary to say] I don't care, I'll be dead.