Quotes

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It'a a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

[on Vanessa Redgrave's anti-Zionist remarks] I am that Zionist hoodlum she was talking about. It's just a pity I wasn't on the platform tonight. I would have gone for the jugular.

[to a 1960s all-black audience] Before I go any further, you should understand you've been backing the wrong 'King'. He wants to get you into Woolworth's. I'll get you into '21'.

Jews shouldn't play golf, it's not for them. We aggravate too easily. We carry 2,000 years of persecution on us. And then all of a sudden to go out there and beat a ball into the ground is a little too much.

Women live longer than men. The reason for it is they're not married to women.

If I walk into a restaurant and I see a sign "Food like Mother used to cook," I report them to the Board of Health.