Quotes

Stopping drinking helped me focus, gave me the courage to try comedy. It was very scary for me and I reckon if I hadn't stopped drinking, I'd never have done it. I'd have stayed in the country town my whole life.

It's hard for me to get too serious. My motto is we're all going to be dead sometime, so relax.

"It wasn't until I was twenty-two that I started. I was in Perth. I was bumming around doing the labouring jobs and I thought, "I'm going to have a crack." I went on stage, not very well prepared, and I just died. It was just horrible." (on his first experience as a stand up comedian)

"It really was getting to me. I mean, I was getting locked up, you know, not for being violent, but I just used to fall asleep on the road and stuff, you know. I'd wake up in the police cells and go, "Well, I don't want to be here." (on why he gave up drinking)

I was the dux of a very bad year. I swear to God, I was. I was dux of the school, and if I wanted to do chiropractory, I wouldn't have been able to. I didn't get a very good score, but we had a shocker year that year.

"She wants to have kids. She's always talking about having kids, which freaks me out. It's a big commitment, you know. Recently she said to me, "Can we have kids in two years?", and I said, "Oh, I don't know about that, but we can have fish and chips tonight." (on his girlfriend, Holly)

Initially, I just wanted to make a living as a comedian and, you know, I dreamed of being on radio and being on TV and now that's it's happened, I don't really dream of anything anymore. I try not to even think about it, you know. All I think about is, you know, sport.

[The three thinks that make him happy] The audience laughing at my jokes, Carlton winning the footy and my girlfriend, Holly, smiling.

Initially, I just wanted to make a living as a comedian and, you know, I dreamed of being on radio and being on TV and now that's it's happened, I don't really dream of anything anymore. I try not to even think about it, you know. All I think about is, you know, sport.

She wants to have kids. She's always talking about having kids, which freaks me out. It's a big commitment, you know. Recently she said to me, "Can we have kids in two years?", and I said, "Oh, I don't know about that, but we can have fish and chips tonight".

It's hard for me to get too serious. My motto is we're all going to be dead sometime, so relax.

[on immigrants] We are sick of them stealing our money and for first homebuyers.