Quotes

The Edinburgh Fringe is now well under way, although thus far it has been overshadowed by the Olympics. We only became comedians because we were bullied by all the cool and sporty kids at school, and now they're sticking it to us again.

You can imagine what a struggle it was to keep my virginity intact until I was nearly 20. But, amazingly, I somehow managed it.

It's important to live your life by a motto. I chose to live my life by the motto, 'My enemy's enemy is my friend.' Unfortunately, as it turns out, my enemy is his own worst enemy. So, I have to invite him to barbecues.

My expectations were confounded and from thence the humour arose!

[Festival of Fun] You know, looking at his lizardy face makes me feel sick, Stew. And yet strangely aroused...

I can't decide if Supermarket Sweep is High Surrealist Art or a Terrible idea for a Game Show, presented by a man with the personality of a spat on dish rag.