Quotes

Discipline? I don't know the meaning of the word.

Everyone knows that if you've got a brother, you're going to fight

[on John Lennon's famous quote that The Beatles were bigger than Jesus] Lennon was right. And we are bigger than Jesus. We will be as big as The Beatles, if not bigger.

I don't hate Chris Martin. I don't know him, know what I mean? I just thinks he's a bit giddy. He ought to calm down, he isn't gonna save the world.

People are always going on about 'Oh, you've failed in America.' I've never failed at anything in my entire life. I got out of the bedroom when I was a young fucking lad, and I'm in a great fucking band. And now we're playing at Madison Square Garden.

Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on-stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don't get it.

I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go, 'What a fucking good-looking fuck you are.' And then I brighten up.

There's Elvis (Elvis Presley) and me. I couldn't say which of the two is best.

Pete Doherty needs a slap, and the sooner he gets it, the better.

I don't know what any of my songs are about. I don't sit down to write about anything. They're about whatever you want. I don't pick subjects. I just start.

I knew something was around the corner, but I didn't know what. I just knew I didn't want to work.

[on La Roux] No way, mate. She's got man hands.

[on his brother Noel] I'd to time for him. I love him. Me and him are cool. If anyone stepped on his toes, I'd cut them off.

I refuse to dance. And I can't dance anyway. I'm not in a band for that.

[on taking on Blur] We said it from Day One, we were the ones who were real, man. We're just honest, man, and we're not a bunch of women.

In Caracas, top gig. Sat in me room in silence as my TV doesn't work. Not allowed to leave the hotel for fear of being tickled to death.

I'm a better singer than him [Noel]. I'm the man, man.

I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.

[on his relationship with Noel these days] I haven't got one.

I don't hate them [Coldplay], I don't wish they had accidents. I think their fans are boring and ugly and don't look like they're having a good time.

You look at [Alex Kapranos] and the singer from Right Said Fred. It's the same person! He's just gone on the Atkins diet and grown his hair.

[What scares you?] Spiders. And mice. My cats - Sid and Nancy - are always bringing in mice, which I know is supposed to be a present, but I just can't handle it. Things that go faster than me can do one. If I was on that jungle programme [I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!], the ratings would go through the roof. I'm a proper big shitbag with things like that. I'd be a million times worse than Dean Gaffney.

[When did you last cry?] Good question, man. Good question. Probably recently. I'm not going to sit here and go: "No, I never cry." I cry quite a bit.

[on his north London neighbours] It's like Stella Street, round here: Jamie Oliver lives up the road. I got told off for throwing stones at his windows pissed-up, asking him to chuck down some bacon rolls.

[on tweeting about Noel] I've heard they really annoy him. Someone told me the other week that the only thing that does his nut in are my tweets. Good. They will carry on and they will get bigger and better.

[on David Cameron] I don't know what Brexit is, all I know is that David Cameron wants his b***ocks electrocuting for bringing it on in the first place.

[on Bono] You see pictures of Bono running around LA with his little white legs and a bottle of Volvic and he looks like a f*nny.

[on alarm clocks] I'm getting up earlier and earlier now man. I try and beat the alarm clock. The alarm goes off at six and I try to get up at 5.59 just to do its head in.

[on Love Island] I like it man, but I don't truly understand the bit where they've got to kip on the floor, outside.

[on whether he'd prefer to dress like Mick Jagger, Craig David or Ed Sheeran] I'd rather be naked. I'd rather set fire to myself, just torch myself.

[on David Attenborough] He's like god isn't he? Got a bit of a god vibe, know what I mean?

[on the English football team] A bag of s***e. My grandmother would do better, on acid with a Toblerone stuck up her a**e.

[on Blur] Being a lad is what I'm about. I can tell you who isn't a lad: anyone from Blur.

[introducing a performance of the song Live Forever, following extensive dental surgery after he had two front teeth knocked out in an altercation with some estate agents at a Munich hotel in 2002] This one is for my teeth.

[2016] Climbed one the other day. I was running on the Heath and I thought, 'That looks like a nice tree, I'm going to climb that f*cking tree'. Climbed it and sat there with my hood up for about 10 minutes.