- A lot of people do stand-up comedy in hopes of landing a television series. Well, I'm just the opposite. I've already had a TV series and now I'm doing stand-up. If this doesn't work, soon I'll be doing security with Gary Coleman.
- I hope people stop remembering me as Screech and remember me as Dustin Diamond. I think my stand-up routine is helping that.
- Screech and I have a lot in common. We are both strange, funny, interested in computers, good at chess, and chick magnets.
- When all is said and done I'm going to look back on my career . . . and I'm going to be proud of it all.
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