Quotes

[on Milton Berle] You know, Milton recently switched from comedy to drama. Unfortunately, it happened while he was still doing comedy.

[on Mae West] Do you realize that she went through her life without once having a man say to her, "You remind me of my mother"?

[on Dean Martin] Dean would eat hay if you dipped it in gin.

[on Johnny Carson] He's an Episcopalian - that's an Off-Broadway Catholic.

[on Ed McMahon] It's good we honor Ed, because I understand that next week a group of Texas businessmen are going to buy him, tear him down, and put up a Ramada Inn.

[on Roy Rogers and Dale Evans] The Lunt [Alfred Lunt] and Fontanne [Lynn Fontanne] of the fertilizer set.

My voice never quite made it through puberty. It has been described as sounding like a handful of gravel thrown in a Mix-Master.

I didn't get along too well with horses. At the beginning, not too well; at the end, terrible. I always say that horses are hard in the middle and dangerous at both ends.

Gene Autry used to ride off into the sunset. Now he owns it.

[repeated line] More fun than being on location with Mary Beth Hughes.

[on Gene Autry's beautiful wife] Gene married a 10. I married three 3s and a 1.