Quotes

Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.

I once told a graduation class that fame is Madonna; success is Helen Keller. Know the difference.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've seen that I didn't have to clean.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

When you start looking like your passport photo, it's time to go home.

The suburbs were discovered quite by accident one day in the early 1940s by a Welcome-Wagon lady who was lost.

On mothering: It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.