Quotes

[From his 1906 "Cynic's Word Book," later retitled "The Devil's Dictionary"] Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

[From his 1906 "Cynic's Word Book," later retitled "The Devil's Dictionary"] Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

[From his 1906 "Cynic's Word Book," later retitled "The Devil's Dictionary"] Lawsuit, n. a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage."

[From his 1906 "Cynic's Word Book," later retitled "The Devil's Dictionary"] Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

[Last words of his final written communication, a letter to his niece, Lora, in December 1913] Goodbye, if you hear of my being stood up against a Mexican stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease, or falling down the cellar stairs. To be a Gringo in Mexico -- ah, that is euthanasia!

Here's to woman. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.