- Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
- Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
- People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out to be, like, eighty. And their letters always end with, 'Just joking.'
- It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.
- What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
- Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
- Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
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