- Fans are people who let an actor know he's not alone in the way he feels about himself.
- People will always laugh at somebody else's discomfort. But they only laugh because they have suffered the same indignity themselves or known darn well how it feels. Being a comedian is almost like being a doctor--the more troubles you discover and understand, the more gladness you can bring to an audience.
- [describing an actor who refused to perform a simple stunt] He's not exactly a coward, but most of his pluck is in his eyebrows.
- I was the guy in the movie who never won the girl, but I never complained because I usually lost her to my buddy Dennis Morgan -- and he was from Milwaukee, too!
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