Quotes

"Standards have gone to an all-time low and I'm here to represent them." - April 1, 1998 upon announcing his new Saturday night late show on CBS.

I always resented the label of 'shock jock' that the press came up with for me. Because I never intentionally set out to shock anybody.

Writing a book just might be the hardest thing I've ever done, besides trying to get laid in college.

I kind of take that as a compliment, that I'm woke. I'll tell you how I feel about it. To me the opposite of woke is being asleep. And if woke means I can't get behind [Donald] Trump, which is what I think it means, or that I support people who want to be transgender or I'm for the vaccine, dude, call me woke as you f*cking want. I'm not for stupidity.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

[on anti-vaxxers] If it was up to me, anyone unvaccinated would not be admitted to a hospital. At this point, they have been given plenty of opportunity to get the vaccine. If you don't get it, in my America, all hospitals would be closed to you.

My feeling about gay people is that we have a responsibility not only to make gay marriage acceptable and to make gays feel accepted as much as heterosexuals. Gay people are downtrodden. They are beaten. They are abused for their sexuality, and it goes across race. In the white community and the black community gay people are the bastards of the world.

[on his sex life in high school] "Our rap was that if girls could only look beyond the fact that we didn't have great looks and see that we have great personalities, they would fall in love with us. The truth of the matter was we had really bad personalities in addition to our ugly faces. Even the losers called us losers. And we were."

I have a tremendous compassion for people who are homosexuals. I feel that they are bullied and abused in our society... They just treat them so poorly. It must be a terrible thing to be exposed to that kind of hatred and be hated just because of your sexuality.

[When asked about his political leanings] I've voted for some Republicans, too, but I feel like I'm more of a liberal.

I would love it if Donald [Trump] would get on TV and take an injection of Clorox and let's see if his theory works.

I don't agree with [Donald] Trump politically, I don't think he should be anywhere near the White House. I don't hate the guy. I hate the people who vote for him. I think they're stupid.

I'm not bothered by gay people or transsexual people. They don't impact my life, they don't hurt my life. I love when people are in love. You wanna be a woman? Be a woman. You wanna be a dude, be a dude. Be whatever you want. As long as you ain't hurting anybody, I'm on your team.

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly!

[2005, on censorship] There's a religious agenda. They are winning. They control the media. Clear Channel, Fox , all of them, all part of the religious right. We've lost. We've lost our airwaves. We've lost our freedoms. We will be a religious state within 20 years.

[on being ignored by Black sportspeople] Yeah, maybe they don't like me. I don't know. I'd like to think it's a White thing, not my personality. I hope it's racial. That's all.