- If I had my way everyone would be in a 12-step program.
- Smoking is a great prop. It's a great prop in life.
- Acting is pretending that you're not pretending when you're actually pretending.
- I am the king of the faux pas. I call everybody by their wrong name, and I congratulate women who are not pregnant. I've done so many awful things by mistake, and usually it's things that make me look totally foolish.
- (On Nancy Travis) If she can pretend she finds me attractive after a tuna fish sandwich, then she's my kind of girl.
- [on hearing the news of the death of his 'Cheers' co-star Kirstie Alley]: As I got off the plane, I heard that Kirstie had died. I am so sad and so grateful for all the times she made me laugh. I send my love to her children. As they well know, their mother had a heart of gold. I will miss her.
- [condolence to 'Cheers' co-star George Wendt] I am devastated to hear that Georgie is no longer with us, I am sending all my love to Bernadette and the children. It is going to take me a long time to get used to this. I love you, Georgie.
- [on appearing in blackface at Whoopi Goldberg's friar club roast in 1993]: I need to and want to apologize for the rest of my life because somebody today can go on the internet and go, 'What the fuck? Wow, I feel betrayed, I feel angry.' And I did that.
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