Quotes

Why should I indulge myself and do a David Lean-ish kind of film? I could do my little Jewish Brief Encounter (1945) and disguise it - shorten the noses. But it wouldn't be as much fun as delivering my dish of insanity.

I cut my finger. That's tragedy. A man walks into an open sewer and dies. That's comedy.

My movies rise below vulgarity.

Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.

Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

I'm the only Jew who ever made a buck offa 'Hitler'!

[on the late Zero Mostel] He could be wicked and cruel, and he could be almost sweet, loving, kind, generous. The great thing about Zero was that he was uniquely gifted. He was really, truly talented, more talented than any actor except for Sid Caesar that I have ever worked with.

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five, I knew I was that one.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

[on the late Cleavon Little] My rule was not to eat with actors, but I enjoyed him so much that I begged him to eat with me.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

You're young forever when you write. Alfred Hitchcock directed until the day he died. As long as you don't have any dementia or Alzheimer's, if you have your All-Bran every day and clear yourself out, I think your brains are gonna be all right.

Woody Allen is a genius. His films are wonderful.

[on Anne Bancroft] I'm married to a beautiful and talented woman who can lift your spirits just by looking at you.

[on the CIA] They don't know right from wrong. That's what makes a satire of these government bureaus [Get Smart (2008)] really funny.

[on Buster Keaton] I don't think he was a genius. Einstein was a genius; Buster Keaton was astonishing. I've never seen any human being able to perform as brilliantly and gracefully with such unusually gifted timing. There was only one Keaton. His eyes shone with a certain intensity, fire and love. His face had little expression, but his eyes were always dynamically alive. His eyes spoke more than any script could speak.

Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy. He will be missed in a very big way.

[on David Lynch] He's like James Stewart from hell.

I said to Slim Pickens you've made a hundred movies. Do you have any advice? He said, "Mel, whenever you get the chance. Sit down." Sit down? I felt like I was asking Orson Welles how you make Citizen Kane (1941) he says sit down? But Slim was right because it can get very tiring.

I love spaghetti and sex, sometimes together. My dream of heaven is walking naked through fields of pasta fazool.

Immortality is a by-product of good work. Masterpieces are not for artists, they're for critics. Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together. My message to the world is "Let's swing, sing, shout, make noise! Let's not mimic death before our time comes! Let's be wet and noisy!".

[on the famous campfire scene in Blazing Saddles (1974)] I only break wind on the prairie.

[on Richard Pryor in Blazing Saddles (1974)] I knew how bright he was. I hired him because I was going to do a lot of black jokes. I said, "I'm not going to take the heat for these. I want somebody there to give me the okay, see if I cross the line, what's in good taste, what's in bad taste." Strangely enough, Pryor wrote very little of the black stuff. I wound up doing that.

I thank my lucky stars that I was born and that my brother Irving was so kind and good to me. He gave me... a tricycle, trying to make up for the loss of - I didn't realize it, but trying to make up for the loss of our father.

I had the best childhood. I loved life. I thought life was the most wonderful thing ever created.

I'm not such a comedy giant. I'm five-six. There are guys not as funny, but they're bigger. And I think that counts.

I've always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

The musical blows the dust off your soul.

I'm grateful to the army. Grateful to Hitler too. The Producers (1967) made me the first Jew in history to make a buck out of Hitler.

That's my whole method of working as a director in a nutshell. Find the fourth wall, then smash the hell out of it.

[told that three of his movies were in the Library of Congress' National Film Registry] Who knew the government had such good taste?

I just saw Jojo Rabbit (2019), and it's really a terrific and eloquent and beautiful picture. [Jan. 2020]