Guardian Film Awards, UK

"What a story; everything but a fire in the orphanage". - Liberace (Michael Douglas)

"Something to eat and some rest; your children will soon enough be forgotten". - Mistress Ford (Liza J Bennett)

"Anxiety, nightmares and a nervous breakdown, there's only so many traumas a person can withstand until they take to the streets and start screaming". - Jasmine (Cate Blanchett)

"She was the Picasso of passive-aggressive karate". - Irving (Christian Bale)

"I think if Jesus was here now he'd tip you out of that fucking wheelchair and you wouldn't get up and walk". - Martin (Steve Coogan)

The first party

Patsy returning with the soap.

The opening scene.

Alan Partridge lip-synching to Roachford.

The struggle back to the car while overdosing.